I loved the comment on my latest post, made by a a fellow Midwesterner who has also lived in Berlin. He referred to my current funk as PBD, "Post-Berlin Depression," an affliction from which he apparently suffers, too. That pretty much sums it up, although I would probably have to add a secondary diagnosis of "AWTHND" ("And What the Hell Now? Disorder").
Although I knew coming back was going to be difficult, I had no idea just how emotional and scary it would be. I feel like a comic strip character with one of those balloons over her head, bursting at the seams with all sorts of incessant thoughts. Do I make plans to go back? Do I chill the hell out for a while in NYC? Wait...I'm not making money...perhaps I should focus on that. What about my sweet little cat? Save Baxter!
Oh, and then there's Christmas shopping to do before I get on a plane again on Sunday. Ho, ho, ho! And let's not forget that I'm still jet lagged (Jesus, how long does it take?!?) and ingesting mass quantities of Nyquil in an attempt to get rid of this goddamn, nagging cold.
This is probably the moment that I should take a deep breath and take stock of all the goodness in my life so here I go:
a) I have terrific friends, some of whom hand me tissue and cough drops and give me really good hugs while I melt down on their front stoop.
b) I have a roof over my head and food on my shelves.
c) I am not destitute (yet).
d) I have a fantastic family, including a sweet little peanut of a niece back in Wisconsin who will be greeting me with open arms in a few days.
e) I just got back from an amazing eleven week trip to Berlin, for God's sake. How many people have the opportunity to do that?
So I will try to remind myself of these things as I battle the holiday stress coupled with my full blown PBD and AWTHND. And if anyone would like to join me for a hot cocoa to discuss fun, non-related AWTHN issues, give me a ring. It's time to dig in and try to find some of that holiday spirit, no?
I'm trying, I'm really trying...
3 comments:
I wish I could say that post trip depression would go away quickly, but I think it was a good month and a half or two before I decided I would break out of my crispy (from never taking them off) pajamas and go see what's going on in the world. Seriously, it was almost two months before I wanted to begin living again after I returned from Brazil. I was there a year though, and wasn't as good about keeping in touch with people as you were while away, so hopefully having friends bugging you for stories and things you will get you over it sooner than I. I will say though, that it was a great time of reflection and learning for me. A time I spent thinking about what I learned about life, and how I wanted my life to be. So, while it sucks in some ways, if you make the most of it, I think you'll like this "down" time. Good luck, welcome back, and keep writing about it. :) -Kent
Welcome back. Jet lag is not the only lag time given the holidays. Where does one fit? What do I do and with whom? This the season to be thankful. I think back to the places, people and events I have experience over the years. Some were out of the country and far from family and friends. Welcome back. Jim
A time to reflect, learn, be thankful, ask "How do I fit in?"...yes, most definitely. Comforting to hear your thoughts. Thank you.
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