Stop, Plop, and Breathe

Ever have one of those days when you say,"Wow, I really cannot be spending any money at all right now" and then you end up playing the Let's See How Many Times I Can Possibly Use My Credit Card In One Day game?

Yep, that was me yesterday. I wasn't too happy. It's not like I said, "Screw it! I deserve a new dress!" and then ran to the mall to commence some sort of wild shopping spree. No, it went more like this:

"Wait...how much to clean up my laptop?"

"Oh, crap...I need gas again. Already?"

"113.84, please."

I was doing my best to calm myself down with my It's only money, I have my health mantra running through my head. But on top of the stress of finances, I was a feeling just a little bit wound up about all the work I had to complete and couldn't seem to get to. My plan had been to run a few errands in the morning, then spend the rest of the day at home working. But when the geeky seventeen-year-old behind the counter said, "Yeah, this shouldn't take more than a couple of hours to clean up your laptop," I tried not to freak out. I was not expecting a two hour time lapse. What was I going to do for the next few hours when all I really needed to do involved that precious piece of technology?

Plus, I was far enough from home that going back to clean the house or something really wasn't an option. I certainly did not have the money to treat myself to a leisurely, wine soaked lunch under the sun so I tried to do a bit of window shopping instead. However, I was having some trouble not thinking about this PRECIOUS TIME WASTED and how I was ONLY GETTING FURTHER BEHIND WITH EVERYTHING ELSE I NEEDED TO DO.

The fingers started tapping. The humming commenced. (Why I do this when I'm nervous, I'll never know. I also do it when I'm happy.) As an individual who is never bored and always has a mile long "to do" list, I realized at that moment, I had no idea what to do with myself. After wandering around aimlessly for a while, I plopped down in my car and just sat there for a few moments, trying to think. What else could I possibly accomplish right now?

Then suddenly, I thought about my old field work supervisor from my grad school days. While interning in a hospital psych unit, he had taught me how to facilitate group therapy. A lot of our clients had anxiety issues and I remember him once saying during a group session, "You know, sometimes it's just about how we look at things. Traffic can be really stressful. The honking, the yelling, the waiting. I used to hate it, too. But now, after a busy day, I'm more than happy to have to sit at a red light. Finally, I can just do nothing but breathe for a moment."

Throughout the past ten years, this piece of wisdom has entered my brain on many occasions and it caught up with me while sitting in the driver's seat yesterday. I sat there and breathed for a minute, then realizing that in my tizzy, I had been ignoring body's basic needs. My stomach growling, I then decided that although I didn't need a huge French dinner, I certainly could use a little sustenance to keep me going. So I treated myself to a simple but leisurely lunch while I read the paper, reminding myself that I could easily catch up on all that work tomorrow. And you know what? I sure enjoyed those tacos.