Bei Mir Bist Du Schön Means That You're Grand

Why can't all language instruction be packaged in the form of fun, swinging music that makes you want to go to a speakeasy and dance the night away with some handsome GI anyway?

So I am ashamed to admit that despite the upcoming move to Berlin, I haven't studied German whatsoever unless you count the fragments from my Rick Steves phrase book that I hurled out to Jack's mom last fall in a completely exaggerated (and probably somewhat offensive) sounding accent. (And there is something very hilarious to me about prefacing every phrase with a very loud, obnoxious ACHTUNG!)

Anyway, I've been listening to some German language tracks ever once in a while to make myself feel like I'm at least trying a little bit. Unfortunately, though, they sometimes cause me to burst into laughter in the middle of an otherwise silent morning commute.

My favorite track thus far has been the one about food. In general, they say the phrase in German, wait for you to say it back, and then translate it to English. So as I was learning the German words for milk, bread, cheese, I was thinking, Yes, yes, this is all good, useful information, things that I assume are indicative of cultural norms. And then the woman on the CD suddenly burst out with:

"Asparagus with ham."

??

Really? This is one of the first, most essential phrases of the German language I'll need to get around? I think I'll stick to the swinging sounds of the 30s. I prefer words that are to be delivered with bright eyes and red lips anyway.

I could say bella, bella, even say wunderbar.
Each language only tells me how grand you are.
I've tried to explain Bei Mir Bist Du Schön.
So kiss me and say you understand...

Much more appealing than discussing vegetables and pork products, wouldn't you say?

Baxter the Cat's No Fool!

While the rest of us in New York trudge out into the snow ONCE AGAIN, some creatures get to snuggle up in their little beds next to a warm radiator and think, Yeah, this is about right.

So, so jealous.

Wayyyy Too Much Stuff in the Way

Coffee. Pacing. More coffee. Then more pacing. Repeat. Again and again. Should probably throw all of the coffee beans into the garbage right now to end this stupid, vicious cycle.

And no joke. Literally pacing around the apartment in my pink, fuzzy bathrobe because I don't even know where to begin at this point.

My calendar is the enemy right now. The other day on the phone, my mom casually said to me, "Can't believe March is around the corner!" in her normal, cheerful tone at which point, I almost went into cardiac arrest.

"What?!" I screeched. "That means I've only got a little over a month to get everything together!"

And now here I am, less than five weeks from my departure date, staring at a full page of tasks I need to complete in the meantime. Although my OCD self is tempted to type them all out for you to see (mostly because writing out lists makes me feel oddly productive even if I don't actually complete any of the tasks on them), I promise I won't put you through this.

As you know, I've been struggling to stay in the present, to really make the most of what I am experiencing at any given moment. However, this has become even more difficult while I plan for a nine month gig abroad.

But as I am consistently learning, it's the little things that often go a long way. Yesterday, I was taking care of Ethan and as I was sifting through his toy box, I found a stethoscope from his doctor's kit. I watched his eyes widen as I pressed the foam pad to his chest and said, "Ba-boom, ba-boom!"

Then he took it from me and said, "Now, I'm going to listen to your heart, Rachael!"

He got himself adjusted, placed the little pad on my chest, and frowned. "I don't hear anything."

"Oh no!" I said, laughing. "That's no good!"

"I can't hear anything," he repeated, this time with a scowl on his face,"because there's too much stuff in the way."

And as he dropped the stethoscope and went onto the next activity, I thought, You ain't kidding, kid. Wayyy too much stuff in the way. And clearly, it's stuff that doesn't matter too much in the grand scheme of things. And who needs any more barriers to their hearts, anyway?

I certainly don't. Once again, I must thank two-year-old Ethan for getting me back to basics. Even thinking about it this morning helps. The coffee cup has now been drained and I am sitting down. That's a pretty good sign, I think.

It's Not Spring Yet. Bring on the Comfort Food!

Last weekend, my roomie and I hosted a little party. I referred to it as the "Do-Over of the Do-Over" (see recent NYEDO post) since several people were unable to attend the January event. And yes, once again, we had a countdown at 11:59pm despite the fact that we didn't even ring in a new month. (I know, I know...it was only February 19th but there were scheduling conflicts to deal with! Leave me alone.)

Anyway, I think I can speak for everyone when I say a good time was had by all. Great friends and comfort food on a cold winter night? That's a pretty perfect night in my book. But unlike the January soiree, we didn't make as much food this time around. However, due to a recent conversation with a friend about the goodness that is pumpkin plus chocolate, I decided to make some muffins to accompany our mulled wine and spiced rum concoctions. They turned out to be quite a hit so I thought I'd share the recipe. It comes from my very loved cookbook (evidenced by its torn, beat up condition), Chocolate for Breakfast and Tea. It's a collection of recipes from B&B Innkeepers throughout the country. The end results often come out looking quite fancy even though for the most part, the recipes are pretty simple. And if you're as choco-addicted as I am, you stare at every lovely photo, trying to decide what to whip up next until little pools of drool form in the corners of your mouth. Mmmmm....

Okay, wait, back on track! Recipe!

But before I share it, I feel the need to confess. I know I try to share healthy food ideas only and um, this isn't really one of them. However, I did make a couple of small changes to the original and the muffins still turned out quite delicious. Ask any of the ten people sitting around our dining room table a few nights ago, mowing down...

Spicy Chocolate Pumpkin Muffins
(from the owners of the North Garden Inn in Bellingham, Washington)

1/2 cup butter, softened
*1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup solid pack canned pumpkin
*1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
*1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1 cup regular or miniature semisweet chocolate chips
*1/2 cup chopped nuts

*1/2 cup raw sugar (Yes, half! And quite honestly, I could have reduced it more. The chocolate sweetens things up enough. And I rarely ever use white refined sugar anymore. Raw brown sugar seems to work just fine as a substitute in most recipes.)
*Whole wheat flour
*Didn't have any salt. Oh, well.
*Forgot the nuts. Double oh, well.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease or line 6 giant or 12 standard muffin cups.

In large bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Then mix in pumpkin.

In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, and cloves. Mix into creamed mixture. By hand, stir in chocolate chips and nuts.

Fill muffin tins three-quarters full. Bake for about 30 minutes (longer for giant ones) or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Num, num, num!

A Serious Offense

For the past several months, I've been making light of my dating experiences on this site. However, this is not to say there aren't very real dangers lurking in the dating realm. We've been told to be wary of strangers, to avoid dark streets late at night, to never let some guy at a bar buy you a drink for fear of what he may have slipped in. But as you get to know someone, you let your guard down. This is normal, healthy behavior. Unfortunately, for those who are unbalanced and sick, it is during this time of increasing trust and vulnerability that they strike. A dear friend of mine found this out the hard way and I would like to share her story with you. Please send this on to everyone you know, especially your girlfriends, sisters, and daughters. May they not have to endure the same devastation.

I am Speechless

And the Germans would apparently be glad. Too noisy otherwise, I guess.

Okay, kids are noise pollution? Really? In the 90 seconds it took me to read this article, three car alarms went off while some mother/daughter duo engaged in a screaming match on the street.

So I guess in Berlin, it's not the booming techno that's the problem, just those darn little tykes running amok. Sheesh...glad to see they're finally loosening up. Then again, I guess they've got to give all those little future DJ's a chance.

A Slew of Random Updates

1) Best Valentine's Day I can remember. A mellow Sunday afternoon that included a matinee with a friend. A friend who brings me flowers and chocolate??? Score! Who needs a boyfriend when you've got good guys like this in your life?

2) Never made it to the German consulate. (Beads of perspiration on forehead now gone). I was finally able to get through on the phone to ask my questions. And I was right. There is absolutely nothing I can do visa related at this point. Just gotta hope and pray that I can score a job or secure student status once I'm there.

3) Speaking of, less than six weeks! Very excited. Would be more excited, though, if I could find a good home for sweet, snuggly cat :(

4) Snow, snow, and more snow. Didn't I leave the tundra that is Wisconsin?

5) Colicky babies + kick-my-ass-active toddlers + travel plans + writing gigs = utter exhaustion. But I'm not complaining. Life is pretty good these days.

Whew. Oh...

6) Did I mention the chocolates? I think there are a few left in the kitchen...

This Year, There Will be Chatting AND Chewing

I don't remember a thing about last year's Valentine's Day but I quite clearly remember V-Day 2008. I was sitting solo at the bar of the Chat 'n' Chew off of Union Square, staring at my suitcase while lazily working on a bowl of chili and a bottle of beer. I was surprisingly not heartbroken, despite having a boyfriend who was not there to celebrate the stupid Hallmark holiday with me. We were not speaking and I was used to it. I, instead, booked a flight to Wisconsin rather last minute, to surprise my mother for her birthday.

The Chat 'n' Chew was probably one of the best places I could have been on Love Day. Dineresque with a hipster flare, there were no nuzzling couples to cloud my vision. Instead, I stared at the fantastic variety of lovely, layered cakes as wait staff called to the overworked bartender/cake server (?) every few seconds, it seemed. "Carrot!" "Red Velvet!" "Oreo!" Oh Jesus...can I just skim a bit off of all three?

After checking my phone a few times to see if Stupid Boy had put his pride aside and had at least texted me a sweet something (he hadn't), I shrugged, paid my bill and swallowed the last bit of my Heineken. I smiled at the thought of surprising my mother the next morning with a bow on my head. (And yes, I did do that). I felt very little sadness about my solo Valentine's Day and the lack of sentiment from the boy. I felt hardly anything at all actually. He was just pushing me in the right direction. Further and further away. And I knew it was just the push I needed. I smiled at the bartender/cake server and left him a fat tip in hopes that he would be taking his girl out that night and treating her right.

This Valentine's Day, I will not be alone. And I won't be running off to anywhere either. Ill be staying right here in NYC. Maybe I'll even bring my date to the Chat 'n' Chew. This time, we'll share a few laughs as well as a slice of gluttony. Better than being a glutton for punishment.

Maybe I Just Need a Good Cow Suit

Yes, I'm still working as a part-time nanny. You probably didn't know that since I haven't written about it in ages. This is mostly because it's been a lot of babies as of late and well, there isn't a ton to report. What can I say? I got drooled on. Pooped on. I can regularly smell the remaining bits of formula infused puke on my shoulder. Don't get my wrong, I love the babies but it's pretty easy to encapsulate the drama, you know?

But today, I took care of some kids that I used to sit for on a regular basis. I hadn't seen them since September so at ages two and almost five, they suddenly looked like giants to me. Aside from physical growth, the two of them have also turned into quite the comic duo. And if they don't feed off of one another, they both also have the ability to fully entertain me solo.

This afternoon, the elder child, Alex, was acting like he had springs in his soles while little Matthew napped, reminding me at the top of his lungs (as if there was any way I could forget) that TOMORROW IS VALENTINE'S DAY!! Desperate to calm him down and instill in him at this tender age that this is really nothing to get too ramped up about, I suggested making a valentine for his parents. He looked at me as if he felt sorry for my dumb ass and said, "Um, I already did that." He then suggested making a card for my cat, Baxter. (See above). He asked me to draw a small heart but when I did, he informed me that what he apparently meant was a microscopic one. (He showed me the tip of his finger to further illustrate his point). After I drew the world's tiniest heart, he colored it in with purple marker. Hence, that teeny blob. Whatever...my cat has now been given precisely two more hearts this Valentine's Day than I have received.

After valentine construction and Matthew's nap, Alex managed to find a microphone out of nowhere and announced that it was TIME FOR THE SHOW! (??) He then felt compelled to don an outfit that included a cow suit, a superhero cape, and a cowboy hat. He also evidently felt it necessary to walk around the room with a piece of racetrack in his hand while he spoke into the microphone with the other. His show was a series of "stories" of a fantastic variety. One was about nothing but a whole lot of characters, including a panda, falling into a toilet under the supervision of one Professor Poopy Pants. After several little ditties like this, he announced, "Okay, there's time for ONE MORE!"

"Woot, woot! Let's hear it!" I cheered as Matthew busied himself, pushing a Bert doll around in a mini stroller.

"Okay, this one is called...umm...The Monkey and the Puppet! One day, Ms. Twilly..."

"Ms. Twilly?" I asked. Interesting choice of name, I thought.

"Twiiiiiiiiiii-ly," he said as if he was speaking to a very cognitively delayed adult.

"Twilly," I repeated.

"Rachael, look at my mouth. Twiiiiiiiii-lyyyyyyyyyyy." I could see every single one of his teeth.

"Got it," I said, not quite knowing what I had screwed up. Anyway...

"So one day," he continued, "Ms. Twilly had a monkey on her shoulder. And a big Godzilla came by and ate it."

"Ate the monkey?!" I exclaimed. Jesus Christ!

"Yep. He ate it so I came and KICKED him apart," at which point he did this little karate/disco dance floor move, "and the monkey came out!"

Matthew suddenly looked up and said very matter-of-factly, "Wow, that's a cool story." I, on the other hand, was wondering what the hell happened to the puppet of this story.

Regardless, I instantly felt both embarrassed and ashamed by my procrastination in pitching my numerous ideas for children's books to agents and editors when four-year-olds could kick out fantastic stories about suctioning toilets and monkey eating monsters on the fly. But at least in the midst of my self-defeating thoughts, I could be entertained. And I escaped without a single bodily fluid on my being. Now, that's a good Saturday afternoon.

I'm Still Giggling

I must have looked like a damn idiot yesterday, walking around Brooklyn Heights and suddenly bursting into laughter, then grinding to a halt to savor the interview I was listening to on NPR. I nearly wet myself as I listened to David Rose talk in that self-deprecating way of the Brits that I do so adore. He was discussing his new book, Sexually, I'm More of a Switzerland: More Personal Ads from the London Review of Books, which is a HI-larious collection of personal ads.

If you want a little taste, check out this article from the Guardian.

Maybe it's the UK I should be headed to. At least they have a good sense of humor when it comes to their lonely hearts.

And You Say 1.39 Million is a Deal?

Looks like my future roomie and I will be paying a whopping total of 600 euros ($900) for our lovely 100 square meter pad right smack dab in the middle of Berlin. Granted, I'm not buying but still...

Why Does This Induce Such Fear?

--- German Foreign Office Scheduling System ---

Re.: your visa appointment at the German Consulate in New York

You have booked an appointment for a visa application at the German Consulate in New York.

We are looking forward to seeing you. Please print out this confirmation and bring it with you to the appointment.

Please allow approx. 15 extra minutes for security etc. If you are late for your appointment your slot might be given to somebody else and you will have to wait.

Please note the following important information regarding your application:
1. Each applicant must apply in person, except of children under the age of 16. The persons having the care and custody of the child (usually both parents together) must apply for their children under the age of 16 and sign their application.

2. Please be advised that we are only able to accept complete application packages at the day of the interview. We do not make photocopies for you. To save time, please fill out an application online and print it out. You can find the application forms as well as information on visa requirements at the following link:
http://www.germany.info/Vertretung/usa/en/04__Legal/02__Directory__Services/01__Visa/__Visa.html

3. Citizens of the following countries need to bring two application forms:
Albania, Algeria, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Bosnia and Herzegovina, China (People's Republic), Cuba, Georgia, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Libya, Moldova, North Korea, Pakistan, Palestinian Territories, Russia, Sudan, Syria, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Vietnam.

4. In case you want to travel to more than one Schengen state, with Germany being the main destination, you will need to provide us with all hotel, flight, rental car and train reservations for Germany and all other Schengen states.

5. Please note that the visa fee is only acceptable in cash or money order. An additional fee of $18.00 applies if you want your passport sent back to you with Fedex.

6. The validity of your passport must exceed the validity of the visa you are applying for by at least 3 months. There must be at least two free pages in your passport.

7. In most cases you will be asked to provide evidence that you are legally entitled to re-enter the United States after your visit to Europe, e.g. by showing your Permanent Resident Card (Green Card) or a valid multiple entry visa.
Holders of a U.S. F-1 or J-1 visas need to provide their original and valid I-20 or DS-2019 form as well as a copy.


Kind regards,
Visa Section, Consulate General
of the Federal Republic of Germany
New York


Eeeeeek! Wish me luck!

And the Results...

So I finished my five day cleanse. Well, it was more like a 3.75 day long cleanse but good enough. As I reported in my last post, there were a few cheats. Yes, there was dried fruit and coffee but it was barely worth counting (so I won't). And I would've lasted until dinner Friday night had I not been seduced by Rioja and a delicious minty mojito Thursday night. (But seriously, what is a girl to do when a cute boy asks her out for drinks on the fly? Say, "No, I'm cleansing"?!) Me thinks not. I'm just proud that I didn't partake in all of the lovely tapas he ordered.

Anyway, on Friday, I went back to the ole' routine until dinner at 9 o'clock. I can't say I had a salad as I had intended but I ordered a vegan black bean burger instead. Impressed? Well, don't be because that lovely burger sat next to a nice helping of sweet potato fries that I promptly inhaled. Along with a pale ale. Or two.

Okay, so it wasn't complete success but I've got to say, it was enough of a change that like my past cleanses, I felt much better throughout the entire week. Very little fatigue and a loosening of the pants. Not bad. Funny though, that after just a few days of cleansing, those two drinks on Thursday night made me feel like total crap the following morning. I'm a fan of all things in moderation but I find it mighty interesting that just a tiny wander off course could lead to me feeling so badly. So what do I take away from all of this?

I continue to believe that gluten and/or sugar are my biggest problems. I believe that if I stick to a veggie/protein/rice based lunch (and no sweets to follow), I'll be much more likely to get through the afternoon slump. I also have been reminded that as much as I enjoy sugar, I can get through the cravings. I can make some tea, stick a mint in my mouth, or immerse myself in my work. It really is about getting through a few tough moments but it does usually subside.

I've also been reminded how truly difficult it is, logistically, to eat in a healthy manner. How much easier is it to grab a bagel than to try to eat your steamed veggies and lentil soup on the train? But regardless, I'm going to do my best to stick to these guidelines as closely as possible. Between nannying, writing gigs, making Berlin arrangements, and catching up with as many friends as possible in the next two months, I need my energy more than ever.

Pass the broccoli.

The Rules

When I tell people that I'm doing a cleanse, they tend to gasp and look for the cayenne pepper and lemonade that might be lurking in my purse. I promise you that I could never, ever do a liquid cleanse. This is more along the lines of just really healthy eating which I apparently rarely do. I found this plan in an issue of Body of Soul last year. There's a whole lot of other great advice, like detoxing yourself from media and small intervals of meditation but I am just including the diet portion. Here's the basic lowdown:

Breakfast:
One cup warm water with a slice of lemon.
One cup oatmeal with a cup of berries.
Green or black tea if you must. (Or coffee because I REALLY must!)

Mid-morning snack:
An apple or pear with a handful of almonds.

Lunch:
One cup legumes such as black, navy or kidney beans, chick peas, lentils, split peas, etc.
One cup whole grain such as brown rice, quinoa, barley, or couscous.
One cup steamed vegetables. (You may flavor with some olive oil, garlic, and ginger).
Follow lunch with a cup of ginger tea.

Afternoon snack:
A few carrot sticks with two tablespoons of hummus.

Dinner:
One cup whole grain (as above).
Two cups steamed vegetables (Same seasonings).
Follow with cup of ginger tea.

Before bed:
One cup of warm water with lemon.

Notice that the chocolate chip cookies, tortilla chips, and warm loaves of buttery french bread have been taken out of the equation. Bummer. However, I am on day three and a friend told me today that I looked thinner. How very interesting and quite acceptable, considering the post-Germany and Christmas pounds I managed to tack on. I also noticed that in general, my afternoon fatigue has significantly decreased. I have actually been able to focus and get some work done without the aid of an espresso machine.

Nonetheless, aside from my sugar, I sure am missing fun food. Veggies and rice get old very quickly. I plan on sticking it out though until my Friday night dinner date. And I promise that I won't get all crazy on burgers or the fried food platter. But a little dinner roll on my plate next to my salad would be nice. And a glass of anything other than ginger tea sounds pretty fabulous.

Til then, there is work to do. And I seem to have the energy to do it. Yah!

I'm Okay with Partial Success

I try hard never to refer to myself as a failure. Yet I'm having a pretty hard time saying that I am being, err, entirely successful at the moment. I'm supposed to be on day two of a five day cleanse; however, yesterday seems to have been Rachael's Very Mild Approach to Detox. (I made this decision after the hedonism that was NYEDO 2010.) Anyway, the worst part is, I've done this cleanse before. Twice. It hasn't been easy (no dairy, wheat, alcohol, caffeine, or SUGAR?!?!) but I've made it through both times and health wise, have felt quite good throughout. It's basically a whole lot of rice, legumes, veggies, and fruit. Not too exciting but doable if I can quickly throw myself out of the house before my usual post-meal cravings for chocolate/cookies/name-your-sugary-poison kick in. Yet this time, my need for sugar seems to really be getting the best of me. (And don't even get me started on the caffeine. That is just a straight up non-negotiable if I am to function at all in this world.)

Anyway, I've already cheated, sugar wise. On day one, no less. Aside from apples or pears, the cleanse says NO! to anything else sugar related. Yesterday, I worked mostly from home which seemed to have been the first problem. I was one measly room over from cookies, muffins, and other goodies. Finding myself unable to concentrate, I stomped into the kitchen and threw the baked goods into the freezer. The assumption, of course, was that if the deliciousness wasn't taunting me from the kitchen counter, I'd be okay. Right. I then thought about getting through the craving by chewing gum but my teeth and jaw are so bad these days, I knew it wasn't a good idea. So instead, I drank a whole lot of tea (lame) and then was apparently so mentally exhausted from disciplining myself that I had to take a nap. So much for getting work done.

In the evening, I did better. For a while. I stuck to the recommended dinner: two cups of steamed vegetables with one cup of rice. But I sort of cheated here, too. (I had to add soy sauce. I mean, plain veggies and rice?!) Then I caught up on some emails, got ready for bed, packed my lunch for today, and then out of nowhere, in the midst of what I thought was a near Zen-like state, I remembered the delicious chocolate chip cookie things I made for my party Saturday night. Yes, they were tucked away in the freezer but folks, these things are called "heaven logs" for God's sake! They are essentially chocolate chip cookies in log form, the tips dipped in melted chocolate and rolled in walnuts. Heaven, I tell you!

So I decided to put the failure hat on and dove in, wondering just how quickly I could possibly damage all the teeth in my mouth. Funny thing is, one cookie later, I only felt mildly bad. Mostly, I just felt satiated. And then I went to bed.

But as Miss O'Hara would say, "Tomorrow is another day" and here we are. It is now 3pm and so far, so good. No cheating (okay, I had a few raisins post-lunch, so kill me!) and I feel okay, sitting here drinking my digestion aiding ginger tea. Exactly three and a half more days. Oh wait...Katie, are we still doing dinner Friday night? Okay, so maybe three more days. I still think that's pretty good for a sweet toothin' fool like me.