Battle of the Bites

Excuse me, I thought I had returned to summer in Wisconsin, not the rainy season in some bug infested Asian jungle. Yet the swarms of mosquitoes that attack me every time I step outside is making me think that I've indeed stepped into the wrong hemisphere.

Oh, the peace and tranquility of rural Wisconsin. Yes, it makes me want to sit outside on the porch with a book and... Doh! Ack! (slap, slap) Hmpf. I give.

So to you non-natives, let me explain that every summer, Wisconsinites are accustomed to an annoying but relatively short mosquito season. This typically occurs sometime in June, usually when one is trying to throw a graduation party or some other outdoor event to celebrate the fact that we are no longer wearing snow pants. But then the heat of July seems to kill them all (yes, my very scientific reasoning) which allows for two remaining summer months of fun in the sun.

Well, Wisconsin has had record breaking rain the past couple of months which has led to an apparent record breaking number of these miserable, epidermis munching monsters. For the past week, I've tried to play outside with my three-year-old niece only to find myself swatting both of us incessantly and running back inside within ten minutes. She and I seem to have special mosquito lovin' blood since the two inches of skin I miss with the OFF! will be covered with a series of bites (oftentimes symmetrical, how 'bout that?) in about 3.5 seconds. I even tried wearing leggings outside but the darn things managed to penetrate those, too, which has now led to an awesome design of welts amongst the road map of spider veins and bruises throughout my lower half. (I know, I know, très sexy.)

So anyway, now there's the two of us at night, watching Bugs Bunny and scratching our legs til they about bleed. I am clearly not a good example, I realize, as my sister says to her, "Honey, I know it's itchy but try not to scratch" while I sit wallowing in the corner, "When is this misery gonna stop???"

But I am clearly going down a pity partying tangent and that is not my intent. See, I wanted to look into natural mosquito repellents since I am assuming the Cutter's and OFF! we've been dousing ourselves with aren't so good for the ole' environment. I did a quick search and found that mixing an essential oil (such as lemon eucalyptus) with a carrier oil or alcohol is supposed to aid in warding off these little blood sucking demons. As I scanned this article, I assumed they meant rubbing alcohol but interestingly enough, they list vodka as a possibility. Now I'm all about using non-toxic items but I can't help but wonder, if one is in the mosquito infested woods of northern Wisconsin and has a bottle of vodka on him (even if it's Fleischmann's for God's sake), do you really think he's going to use it to coat his limbs?? My guess is that he's much more likely to problem solve another way and allow himself to wake up from his stupor the next morning with a fresh batch of bites while purchasing stock in Calamine.

Regardless, I might give this a shot, perhaps using olive oil as the carrier oil instead. I shall report back. And please, if anyone has had success using non-toxic agents to fight this spawn of Satan, please let me know. In the meantime, I am becoming quite the fan of the screened-in porch. Too bad mosquitoes don't have decent eye sight. I'd like them to see me sticking my tongue out at them.