A Letter of Appreciation

Dear Scandinavian Airlines (SAS), Lufthansa, and FedEx:

I realize you are busy people, coordinating the transportation of thousands of people and things on a daily basis. I do understand that, really. So as much as I detest the physical act of traveling, I tend to cut you people some slack because my God, it's got to be quite a job to get all of us along with all of our things to the right place at the right time. Surely, there are slip-ups. But I ask you, do all the slip-ups have to happen to the same people at the same time?

See, I feel like I did my part. You can even ask my roommate. She saw me obsessively pack, weigh, and repack my luggage a zillion times to make sure it met your requirements. I also carefully placed all of my toiletries in teeny bottles and placed them in that clear, one quart Ziploc bag you are all so fond of. I purposely wore flip-flops so I could easily whip them off at the security check point. I even got myself up crazy early to make sure that I arrived at the airport two hours before my flight. And even though I detest flying (yes, it bears repeating), I plastered a toothy grin on my face as I checked in and made sure to be ridiculously pleasant to your staff.

So why, WHY, I ask you, the inability to return the favor?

First off, SAS, why did you think it was a good idea to make us all board your plane when you had a "faulty wire" to repair? Let me be that little bird in your ear: People really don't enjoy sitting on a runway for hours at a time, waiting for you to figure our own crap out.

Those of us with connecting flights to the US, however, do enjoy being rebooked on nice airlines like Lufthansa. But then maybe you should actually rebook us and not send us running (literally, you made me lose a flip-flop in Tegel's lobby at one point) to the Lufthansa counter to get our own tickets for a flight that was leaving in less than an hour. It also would have been very helpful had you told us that there was NO WAY OUR BAGS WOULD MAKE IT on this flight you were "helping" us rebook to Newark (via Munich, thank you very much). In fact, it actually would have been quite nice had we not had to run our butts down to the Customs building (which appeared to have been built from a tin can and therefore quite toasty on an 85 degree day) only to be told that our bags would make it to New York "sometime."

But I will take this time to thank you, Lufthansa, for providing your passengers with a multitude of bathrooms on your lower floor (since when did aircraft come with elevators??) as well as all the booze you can drink. However, I'd like to remind your flight attendants that if you are going to serve Irish coffee or cognac after meals, please do not patronize female passengers by only offering the Irish coffee to them because quite frankly, there's a good chance they will bare their teeth and very curtly request cognac anyway. Some of us really need that cognac when our Yoga instructing seatmates keep dozing every few minutes, nearly crashing into our shoulders, their stinky dreadlocks dangling within inches of our noses.

(And let me now take this time to offer a brief thank you to the New Jersey transit system for providing me with the slowest, jerkiest train ride possible to Manhattan after a mere 19 hours of travel).

But back to those bags. Luckily, once again I did my part and packed a sensible carry-on complete with a few changes of clothes, the necessary underwear, some mini toiletries, and the all important laptop. But I seem to recall, FedEx, that you kind of brag about that whole timely shipping and delivery thing so I was quite shocked to learn two days after my arrival that even though you had my bags in your possession, you just don't make such deliveries on Sundays. Wow! So I assume that all of your workers have a plethora of underpants at their disposal? Must be nice. In fact, you all must have quite the stockpile considering your inability to even get my bags on Monday's truck for delivery.

But I do like to show my appreciation so I will say thank you, FedEx, for finally delivering my lost luggage yesterday, a mere five days after my departure from Germany. Finally, shoes and something other than these damn leggings to wear. In fact, I suddenly have the urge to wear all of my clothes at once which I might just do, considering the insane mosquito problem here. Oh yeah, another thing I will miss about Berlin? Few bugs. But I guess I can take it. That whole family thing kind of makes it all worth it. I just pray for no family trips for a while.