Controlled!

Every morning, I board the U-Bahn, my transit pass neatly pressed inside my wallet, often untouched for weeks. Unlike New York City (and many other cities around the globe, I assume), Berlin's transit system is one of honor. No turnstiles, no gates whatsoever, just a ticket machine that you may or may not utilize. Your choice. (Now consider the utter chaos and subsequent bankruptcy six seconds later if the MTA of New York tried to instill such a practice). Of course, here, you are supposed to buy a ticket and validate it with the date and time but whether you will ever be asked to show it is another story.

The controllers (those employed to check passengers for tickets) will randomly show up on trains, inconspicuously dressed in regular street clothes, then suddenly whip out their IDs and ask passengers to pull out their tickets. Last fall, a mere five days after buying my monthly pass (72 euros!!), I was either pick-pocketed or I managed to lose the thing all on my own. Regardless, I was not about to shell out another hundred U.S. dollars, thank you very much, for a second pass. I decided to risk it even though there's a hefty fine of 40 euros or so attached to getting caught. Friends gave the following pieces of advice:

Play the dumb tourist:
"Just always have your passport on you. Buy the cheap ticket but don't validate it. Act like you didn't know that you needed to actually have it stamped with the date and time."

or

Run!
"Those workers aren't cops, you know. They aren't allowed to touch you. So if you get caught, as soon as those doors open, run like the wind!"

Luckily, I never had to do either. Pretty amazing considering I went an entire month without a proper ticket on me. But since I've been back this spring, I've been a good, law abiding passenger. Good thing since the controllers have been out in full force. The Gods of Mass Transit have apparently guided me appropriately.

The other day after my German class, a classmate and I were having a nice conversation so we decided to continue our chat onto the U-Bahn. She mentioned needing a ticket though since she typically rides her bike. I told her that this was probably a good idea, considering all the people I had seen getting controlled lately. However, the line for the ticket machine was ten people long. When the U-Bahn pulled up seconds later, she said, "Screw it. I'm gonna chance it."

I think we were in minute two of our journey when two controllers boarded.

"Oh no," she muttered, sinking down into her seat. They were working the train from opposite directions. Surrounded with nowhere to run! But then, the train began to slow down for the next stop and I wondered if escape was possible! But all of those insanely efficient German passengers had whipped out their passes so quickly, Controller #1 was standing over us within seconds! I tried my best to stall, digging through my bag, digging a bit more, trying to find that silly wallet of mine...oh, where, or where did I put that thing? However, my friend was trying a different tactic. She pulled out her ticket from earlier that morning (expired!) and acted as though she had no idea she couldn't use it as a transfer of sorts. The controller politely but firmly told her that this was not acceptable. I was impressed by her acting skills as she gasped, doe eyed, "What? Oh no! Really? I can't still use this? I...I...I had no idea!"

As the train approached the next stop, he said, "You will have to come with me," and motioned toward the door. What's he gonna do with her out there? I wondered, feeling a bit too high strung considering the situation. My God, it wasn't as if she were a drug mule being pulled out of the Customs line. But there I was, perched on my seat as I watched her quietly follow him to the door and step out after him onto the platform. But as he turned to speak to her, she transformed into greased lightning. That girl bolted and it took everything in me not to bust out into laughter right there at the Friedrichstrasse stop. I couldn't believe how fast she moved! And the controller...well, as everyone says, he wasn't about to waste his time on her. He simply hopped right back onto the U-bahn and continued with another round.

But I will pick up her slack. As of May 1st, I already had my new monthly pass all ready to go. The good girl within has returned. Well, that and I'm simply too out of shape to run, that is, unless someone's waving a piece of cake at the other end of the platform. You think I'm joking? I dare you to wave it.

P.S. I prefer chocolate.