Oh Dear God, It's That Time Again...

So every December, I tell myself that I'm not going to go bananas over the holidays. I reassure myself that chocolate fudge and popcorn balls are not going extinct and that I therefore, need not inhale every sweet thing in my line of vision from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day. Of course, this mental preparation can never trump the litany of yummy things before me throughout that trying week of apple cider, taco dip, and peanut butter balls. (Yes, that's how we roll in my family.) I'd like to blame my lack of willpower on family peer pressure (one relative did try to rationalize that the peanut cluster is "sort of healthy 'cuz you know, there are nuts!") but that's just silly. I'm a grown-up. I could forgo the dessert plate for the veggie platter but...is that caramel corn I see?

The situation was compounded when I went to NYC after New Year's. Getting together with old friends of course always took place over lunch or dinner. And there may have been a few cocktails here and there. Bottom line...I was not feeling so good come January 9th when I returned from winter break. Rather, I felt pretty darn toxic.

You may recall that I've done a few mini cleanses throughout the past couple of years. These haven't been crazy lemon juice fasts. They've simply involved removing the bad stuff and replacing it with super healthy eating. Brown rice, veggies, fruits, nuts, lean proteins, that sort of thing. However, I've known for quite some time that my caffeine and sugar intake has become a problem, a problem that might need a stronger approach. A few weeks ago, I realized I was scooping double my usual amount of coffee into the brewer. Oh my God, I thought, I'm really like some junkie who has to up the amount of the drug not to get high but just to maintain.

Then there's the sugar dilemma, the dilemma being that I pretty much crave it constantly. I used to be satiated by a bit of chocolate but lately it just sends me into a scavenger hunt of all things sweet that may be lurking in the pantry. It is not good when you find yourself concocting something ridiculous with a jar of peanut butter, some Cheerios, and a bag of Craisins.

So I was ready for a bigger deal cleanse. Therefore, I was thrilled (and terrified) of Whole Living's January issue. They outlined a three week cleanse. I had never done anything beyond five days because by night five, I was usually at the tearing-open-a-package-of-cookies stage.

Yet, I thought about the three week challenge for several weeks. Could I really do this? No wheat or gluten, no dairy, no caffeine, no alcohol, no refined sugar? Would I go crazy? Would I drive others crazy with my undoubtable irritability? Would I stab someone who might be walking by with a chocolate chip cookie or a plate of lasagna? These were all things I needed to consider.

But in the end, I decided that yes, it was worth it. I was curious enough to find out how my body would feel with some of these "toxic" items removed from my diet. I told my close friends and family that going out for drinks or dinner wasn't going to happen during the next few weeks. (But hey, hit me up if you want some non-caffeinated tea!) I also had to figure out how to scale back my exercise routine considering the initial drastic decrease in calories. And finally, I had to decide how to build in some good ole' "me" time which would be used for relaxing, journaling, and more than anything, as I have quickly found out, napping.

So here I am on Day Four. I would have written about it sooner but there have been those naps, you know. Several friends have inquired about my status (probably worried that I'm locked in a closet, mumbling to myself) and I've been happy to report that I'm doing okay. Not fantastic but not terrible. I am proud of "okay". This means that I'm not jonesing for an ice cream sundae, nor am I dying for a baguette. Don't get me wrong, I am craving certain things but I seem to be on auto pilot which allows me to simply look at things as "I can have that" or "I cannot have that" and that's sort of the end of the story. This is quite surprising considering that I typically cannot swallow the final bite of a meal without immediately considering my dessert options. Perhaps it's due to the fruit that I am allowed on this cleanse that is giving me just enough sugar to not make me weep while passing the bakery counter.

More than anything, what has hit me hardest thus far is the caffeine withdrawal. Shockingly, I haven't had any major headaches like I usually do when I try to abstain. Not shockingly, I'm just soooo darn tired. And when it's -4 degrees outside, you sort of crave warm, teeth staining goodness in the morning. Tea will never give me the happy feelings that coffee does. Tea just makes me want to curl back into bed and go to sleep. But due to those minus temperatures, there's a lot of tea drinking going on around here. And if you haven't noticed, a lot of sleeping, too.

Of course, I'm also tired due to the low amount of calories I'm ingesting. This week is about veggies, fruits, and proteins in the form of nuts and oils. That's about it. I looked ahead to next week's recipes and when I saw beans and lentils listed, I almost went out of my mind with irrepressible joy. Salads and non-cream based soups get pretty darn boring fast.

But alas, I'm plowing ahead. So many people around me have been curious about how I feel. Most agree that they should take a bit of time to rethink their own diets. Interested in embarking with me? Check it out. I won't even shame you if you dip into the cookie jar once in a while.. Baby steps, friends, baby steps...